Sunday, June 9, 2013

Respect your children's choice of partner

Years ago one couldn't get married with someone from a lower social status. Rich married rich and poor stayed amongst themselves. People were discriminated against because of their social status...well... I say "years ago" but this actually still happens nowadays...

We see celebs marrying celebs, and the rest of us, well..., we stay amongst ourselves!
If we purely only talk about "social status" and by that I mean "income" then we could fairly say that things have slightly moved on for the better. It is possible today to find couples where one earns considerably more than the other one... and it's great to see that money isn't anymore a criteria for selection.
This is not always the case though ... I know some girls who have a "checklist" before finding the right partner ... and in the "checklist" money has to get a GOOD fat tick! well ... society is getting shallower by the day hence I'm not that surprised that money is key for some.

Back to "why people had to marry within the same social status years ago"? Mostly not to make the family ashamed! Did I say the "family"? Yes I did!

As a young girl I always thought that family members were loving and caring about your feelings. By loving I mean that they would accept what ever makes you happy. And the choice of a partner would of course be one key aspect of your life, if not the most important aspect of your life, that makes you happy! right?
Well, growing up ... I got a shock! I did because I came to understand that actually family members (of course not everyone's family members ... let's not generalise, but many) didn't really look after your own happiness, but instead they looked after their own one.

What do I mean by "their own happiness"? I mean that, being foremost human beings, family members can be extremely selfish!

Haven't you noticed how easy it is to introduce to your parents someone "like you", who lives across the street? Oh yes parents love that ... they know you're not far from them and they can still keep an eye on you!
 
But as soon as you fall in love with someone who isn't "like you" it becomes a massive issue for the family...

"you know he's isn't from around here, he doesn't understand our culture..." "multi-cultural & inter-racial marriage never works" "You're doing a huge mistake, you'll suffer it later" bla bla bla ... oh yes! I'm sure some of you recognize these words...

These days, if your partner isn't richer than you, your family and friends still find a way to accept him or her, but as soon as you come along with someone from a different country, a different religion or dare I say different skin tone then the whole headache of having to explain yourself over and over again to your so called "loving" and "caring" parents & friends starts.

Discrimination has actually never been so alive.
In 2013 it is just shameful.
People should be free to marry whoever they want and makes them happy. Who are we, as parent, to tell our grown-up kids not to marry someone because we do not like the "look" and "origin" of him/her?

Children shouldn't be at the mercy of their parents, just because they are "The" parents. Of course I would always advise children (small and adults) to respect their parents especially if they are good people, but I think it's also time to tell parents that they should start respecting their grown-up children. And this starts by respecting their children's choice of a partner.


By Lilliane Rosse, Author of "Kiss of Thorns" - available on kindle and kobo format.